Of scary things, mountains and messages

A new post here. That must be a bit of a shock to those three people who still visit this blog or still have it in their feedreader.

This is a post I’d been meaning to write for a long time. I’ve been wanting to take up writing here again for I don’t know how long – some of my friends can attest to how often I’ve mentioned this. More than once I even started writing a post, but left it unfinished because I didn’t feel I was saying what I wanted to say, because of lack of time to finish it or because the topic was no longer timely. I might go back to some of these posts, finish them and put them up here anyway. Or I might not.

In the end I figured I need to make a first step – no matter how small – as a start. If I am not going to publish a fresh post here, then nothing will ever happen. So here it is. Initially I may not be posting all that frequently. I still write on my bookblog and I will continue that, but I want to go back to writing about other topics as well, topics that may be related only indirectly or even be entirely unrelated to Armenia. I am still not entirely sure about the direction this second wind will take, though I have some ideas. But I figured if I wait until those ideas have fully developed themselves into a coherent concept, I will never ever start. I know I can swim, I just don’t know where I’m swimming to yet. So I decided to dive in and see where the current takes me, though I readily admit I am scared of jumping into the current blindly. I’m confident it’ll get me somewhere eventually.

One of the reasons why I quit blogging here almost two years ago, was because I lost inspiration. I felt like I was repeating myself: I had this big ‘been there done that’ feeling. I felt like I had lost my way of looking at the world around me for inspiration, for small and big things that made me stop and wonder. I’m not sure I have found back that way of looking at the world, but I’ll try.

I missed the writing when I was working in my mind-blowingly uninspiring office job, a job I quit a few months ago. I worked too many hours, spent too many hours staring at a computer screen to feel like blogging. Work was dumbing me down and I felt numb. I’ve found it very hard to find back the routine of writing regularly and I probably miss that more now than I miss the actual writing (though I am not sure if this makes sense). Writing doesn’t come easy these days and I miss the days when it did. Several other bloggers have been asking me for guestposts and contributions to their sites in the past months. I always answered that I would love to write one, but then I never got around to sitting down, brainstorming and actually writing that post. Because of fear and some sort of insecurity. Because I am not used anymore to writing, to taking my thoughts out of my head and onto the computer screen. Proof of that is the amount of time I’ve been spending on writing this post, fidgeting, tweaking, changing a word here and there, but not changing anything major. Just to postpone the moment I’d have to hit the “Publish” button.  It feels like the actual act of writing is turning into something bigger than it is, but I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want this to turn into some unscalable mountain.

My everyday life is still fairly monotonous right now, since I quit my job, but in a different way. Maybe I have become too settled down in Armenia, my life has become too much of a routine, doing things that don’t stimulate me or satisfy me. Then there’s eternal feeling that I’m not using my chances and opportunities wisely. That is one motivation why I want to take up blogging here again, to prevent me from dumbing down and to stimulate my brain with thinking exercises. And to add something to my daily routine that I enjoy.

That being said, there are some things happening that I am very excited about, that are connected with blogging, writing and social media. These developments have been another encouragement to take up blogging here again. One of those is that I am involved in a project by the Eurasia Partnership Foundation on Unbiased E-Media Coverage in Armenia and Azerbaijan. I will be posting more about this and the other projects as things will develop.

These developments and just generally people encouraging me to start writing again because they used to enjoy reading my blogs (you all know who you are), made me decide that something’s got to change. I came to the conclusion that the world was trying to tell me to get my behind into gear and start blogging again. So here I am, trying to kick this blog back into life.

4 thoughts on “Of scary things, mountains and messages

  1. Hemingway once said, "“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

    😉

    Well, we aren't using typewriters these days, but the bleeding isn't any different. The anxiety, self-doubt, anguish, (you get the idea) writers experience is an unfortunate side effect of a worthy profession. So to this post, I say, I am so looking forward to reading your entries, learning, laughing and more. I know there's an entire crowd cheering you on. Here's to first steps!

  2. Very good, now that this is off your chest the writing energy can start flowing! Enjoy it and I will read!
    F. (Istanbul)

  3. Count me in that crowd! I feel like doing cartwheels or grabbing a pair of pom-pom's and jumping like the cheerleader I never was to say "Congratulations!" It's a beautiful piece and more importantly, yes, the first step. Hmm… we should drink to that! Maybe with Liana during her Yerevan visit ;)))) So many things to be joyous about today!

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